


Monsters

by autumnyte



Series: Boss Shay Solomon [5]
Category: Saints Row
Genre: Babysitting, Canon LGBTQ Character, Fluff and Crack, Future Fic, Nonbinary Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 03:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2294534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnyte/pseuds/autumnyte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack!Fluff set in Boss Shay's future, wherein Matt and Asha happen to have a kid. As one might expect, Shay and Johnny are the universe's worst babysitters. Written in response to a drabble prompt from laikasinclair on tumblr: "Where's the monsters?" for Shay/Johnny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monsters

Johnny tossed his house keys onto the counter and grabbed a beer from the fridge, popping off the cap and taking a long gulp before wandering into the living room in search of Shay. “Yo, babe, you around? Wait’ll you hear about this fuckin—“ he stopped himself short at the sight of a little boy sitting at the center of their carpet, playing with a stack of blocks. With a raised eyebrow, he glanced over at Shay on the sofa.

Shay shrugged. “This is what happens when you don’t answer your phone. Been trying to get a hold of you for hours.” 

Johnny frowned and pulled his cell from his pocket, bringing up the display. “Fuck,” he muttered, and the little boy gasped and turned his head. “I mean, uh, …  _fudge_. Must’ve accidentally flipped the goddam—uh— _darn_ thing over to silent. So, what’s with the kid?” 

”We’re babysitting him. Until tomorrow morning.” 

“ _Babysitting_?” Johnny repeated slowly, so shocked that he nearly let the beer bottle slip from his grasp and fall to the floor. “Is that Asha and Matt’s kid?” 

Shay nodded. “This is Alok. His sitter came down with something at the last minute, and you  _know_  Asha and Matt had to be completely desperate if they turned to us.”

Alok stood and toddled over to Johnny. He stared up with bright green eyes that resembled his mother’s and asked shyly, “Are you Cat?” 

"Huh?" 

“ _Gat_ ,” Shay corrected, then let out a quiet laugh. “Pretty sure he expected an actual feline to appear.” 

"Just call me Johnny," he said. 

Alok nodded, looking mildly disappointed, then returned to his building blocks.

Johnny took a seat on the sofa next to Shay and whispered, “What the hell are they feedin’ that kid? Wasn’t he a baby a couple weeks ago?” 

"He’s three now." Shay put a hand on Johnny’s thigh. "Scary, huh?"

Standing up on his tiptoes, Alok carefully placed the final block on his tall structure, then gave it a swift kick, giggling wildly as it toppled over. 

"That’s the best part, right?" Johnny shouted encouragingly. He turned to Shay and murmured, "Hey, this kid ain’t so bad. We got this." 

As it turned out, the two of them did not ‘have this’. In fact, they’d taken down entire gangs that were easier to deal with than that single toddler. But five hours and countless tantrums later, they finally managed to get Alok ready for bed and herded him into the guest room. 

"You want this light on, or off?" Shay asked, tucking him into the way- too-big double bed.

"On!" Alok said quickly, then added, “‘Nother story!" 

Shay shook their head. “Four was your limit. It’s late.” When this did not lead to yet another meltdown, they added, “Sleep tight.” 

“‘Night, kid,” Johnny said. 

“‘Night, Cat!” Alok said as they left the room. 

"Yeah, c’mon… Cat," Shay murmured with a smirk, grabbing Johnny’s hand. "Let’s go the fuck to bed. I’m about ready to collapse." 

No sooner had they reached their own bedroom, Johnny kissing Shay and peeling off their sweater, than they heard a loud shriek echoing through the hallway.

"Monsters! Monsters!"

"Jesus. I’ll handle it." Shay sighed and straightened their sweater, heading back to the guest room. 

"Monsters!" Alok screamed, curled up in the corner of his bed looking frightened. His panicked expression and the high-pitch of his voice resembled Matt so closely that Shay had to bite back a laugh. 

"You sure there were monsters?" Shay sat down on the edge of the bed. "I personally went through and monster-proofed this house when we moved in." 

Alok nodded. “They here. Big, scary ones!” 

Johnny entered the room, holding a shotgun with a massive silencer on the end. “Alright—where’re the monsters?” 

"Uh, Johnny… I don’t think—" 

"Under the bed!" Alok pointed. "There!"  

"Okay, you two come stand behind me," Johnny said. When Shay had carried Alok to the doorway and covered his ears tightly with both hands, Johnny unloaded the shotgun beneath the bed, then shouted, "Take that, you fuckin’ monsters!" 

Shay cringed, but the kid burst out giggling. And though it required two more bedtime stories to get him calmed down, he eventually nodded off and slept through the night.

——

"Daddy!" Alok ran to the front door as quickly as his little legs could carry him, and Matt scooped him up into a hug. 

Shay picked up the overnight bag and handed it to Matt. 

"Morning," he said. "Everything go all right?" 

Shay took a deep breath. “Well… uh—-“ 

"Daddy! Daddy!" Alok poked Matt’s shoulder. "There was fuckin’ monsters under my bed, but Cat shooted them all!" 

Matt’s jaw dropped and he looked at Shay with wide-eyed horror, getting only a shrug in reply. “Well, that… certainly sounds like quite an adventure you had.” He booped Alok’s nose and added, “But perhaps we’d best not tell Mummy that story straight away… if ever.”

After Matt said his quick goodbyes and closed the front door on his way out, Johnny wrapped his arms around Shay’s waist. “Think they’ll ask us to babysit again?” 

"Fuck no." Shay said, relaxing against Johnny. 

Johnny chuckled and kissed the side of their neck. “Good.” 


End file.
